Sunday, January 30, 2011

What do you think of people who use other's names?

Dave Ramsey was making $250,000 and had a net worth of over $500,000. He ended up losing everything though and had to start over. When this happened he educated himself on money and how to get out and stay out of debt. Since then he has become a respected author who has counseled literally millions on how to do the same.

On Sunday morning, a Colorado Springs Gazette blogger wrote an entry. This blogger makes more noise than your typical blogger, which makes since. He needs to speak loudly in order for people to pay attention to him.

He has his fun, saying all sorts of nonsensical things. And that's all fine.

But this blogger uses the name of "Dave Ramsey" instead of what his real name is. Guess his own name isn't quite good enough for this guy. And, I guess, in the land of free Colorado Springs, Gazette bloggers can say anything they want, even if this offends and saddens those who care about our great country and its great blogosphere.

Glad the real Dave Ramsey is not confused with and therefore his name is not polluted by whoever this Fake Dave Ramsey guy is. Guess Fake Dave Ramsey columns are just another one of those traditions the dying medium of newspaper clings to so fiercely.

What do you think of bloggers using the names of trusted and respected people?

Let me know.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Goodbye Self Respect

So no bullcrap or introduction or anything, let's just jump right to it.

Remember when Gopher hockey players had self respect? They are obviously not dealing with failure very well. This video is just downright pathetic. Oh and the music sucks. What the hell is that? Just terrible. So let us break this steaming piece of rodent feces down. Actually before we do that, what game was this video done at? Or was it done at a game? You can't really tell by the number of fans in the stands. Anyone know the answer? Hmmm, anyways now let us break this steaming piece of rodent feces down.

First Segment: First of all I've never heard of three of these guys and the forth guy is taking over the Tony Lucia Scholarship where he's just on the team because his dad is a coach. So these guys score a goal, they pull the stationary Tiger Williams? Hmmm, that's pretty pathetic. They do throw in their own little touches though I guess. Nate Condon decides to rope a cow or something and looks like a genuine moron. But at least he's not Jared Larson who thinks he's driving a lowrider.

Second Segment: That's your celebration Mike Hoeffel? At least I've heard of you. That's the best thing I can say about your "celebration". What is it even? It's like he's trying to do the stationary one-armed Walk Like an Egyptian. Hey Mike, The Bangles say you suck. I agree. You should be stripped of your Assistant Captaincy for this.

Third Segment: This isn't Guitar Hero, boys. Also you are doing your windmills backwards, morons. Or you aren't, but that doesn't matter. You're not Pete Townshend, stop it. You are a terrible dancer Joe Miller. You have puffy strange hair Jacob Cepis. Jake Hansen, I don't care about you.

If you are the Minnesota Spirit Initiative, it is no wonder the school and it's students have none. What a pathetic display. It makes me sad.

Last but not least:

To taunt Super Gopher Loser go here.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

DJ Jazzy Josh

I don't typically delve into the realm of the Eletro music scene, but sometimes you just have to make an exception for those exceptional cases. The masked fellow you see in the photo is Jashko (Yash-ko). At least I think it's Jashko, I'm not totally sure. He may actually be a Mexican wrestler. Either way Jashko's real name is Josh Rosenholtz and he is Denver's third string goalie.

As far as I can figure, Rosie learned that he was not a very good goalie when he came to college. Due to this, he decided he needed to find other ways to fill his spare time. After stamp collecting and ship-in-a-bottle building failed, he discovered is that he could steal other people's music and screw it up. This is called plagiarism in literature, but evidently it's called Electro in music. Soon after he began plagiarizing, Jashko discovered he had a talent for stealing other people's work and started opening for other bands/acts. According to this nice article he was "sometimes playing in front of crowds as large as several thousand". In other words crowds larger than those that come to Magness Arena.

This summer Jashko was asked to join the Pioneers as shooting target. With this he can no longer focus on his soon to be fledgling music career and is instead having to focus more on trying to match his coach's dapper style while sitting in the press box or recently develop a technique to pull splinters out of his butt. Hopefully when MMFF gets two hat tricks this weekend, Jashko will make his way into the game and we can learn more about his awesome stylings.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Baldy Goes Inside the Manitoba Bisons

I really had no idea what I would do this year for the Manitoba games. UND plays them every year and there is never any info on them. I have to make crap up usually and that is just something that I don't like to do. I pride myself on my honesty and integrity. So much so that I am considering applying for a press pass. I think I deserve it and I'm sure you all agree. Given all of this, really what is the point of saying anything about Manitoba? I don't have any new information on the team or anything interesting to say about them. Or so I thought. Fortunately I found a video on YouTube that is pure gold. Hopefully it will do most of the work for me.

Let's start off with pointing out the obvious. No wonder tickets are so cheap, no one goes to the games. Despite half the team being from Winnipeg, where U of Manitoba is located, not even the players families appear to go to the games. I count approximately 30 people in the stands behind Baldy. If you project that out to the entire arena, I'd guess there are around 110 people at this game. That's less than American International. Pathetic.

Baldy saying Iowa St. looks like a AAA team is quite the ironic statement. Let's take a look at Manitoba's track record against NCAA teams.
2009: 0-1. Lost 7-1 to UND.
2008: 0-2. Lost 6-2 to UND. Lost 5-0 to UNO.
2007: 0-3. Lost 9-3 to UND (This is the game where JPL faced two shots in the first period and save neither). Lost 8-1 to UNO. Lost 3-2 to Canisius.
2006: 0-2. Lost 5-2 to UND. Lost 8-0 to UNO.
2005: 1-2. Beat Bemidji St. 5-3. Lost to UND 6-1. Lost 7-0 to UNO.
2004: 1-2. Lost 8-3 to UND. Lost 7-0 to UNO. Beat Bemijdi St. 5-3.
2003: 1-0. Beat UNO 5-2.
2002: 0-2. Lost 6-1 to UND. Lost 6-0 to UNO
2001: 0-2. Lost 4-1 to UND. Lost 6-1 to UNO.
2000: 0-1. Lost 5-4 to UND. Lost 6-1 to UNO.
1999: 0-1. Lost 6-4 to UND. Lost 5-3 to UNO.
1998: 0-1. Lost 7-3 to UND.
So in the last twelve years Manitoba is 3-19 being outscored 146-44. Not too impressive. On top of this, at least Iowa State's nickname is grammatically correct. Baldy should probably just keep his mouth shut. I think I see hair falling out of his head every time he says something.

Showing Baldy in the crowd was great. He seemed to be the only one watching the game and was yelling an awful lot. Though he did seem to be just yelling random words. Hit 'em! Slash 'em! GET BACK!!!!!!

Does Rick Wood have to go potty? Why is insisting on running in place? Wait a minute, is Baldy his brother? Or are they married and Baldy changed his name? Man, this gets sadder all the time.

Ricky has some interesting things to say about Mike Hellyer. The important thing about this is that Hellyer is the only player featured in this video who is still on the team. Therefore he needs to be taunted. Like why isn't he as good with the Beer Bong as Captain Cal (Calin Wild)?

Judging from the highlights of the game, I was wrong on the crowd size. There appears to only be seats on three sides of the arena and much like games at Sullivan Arena, no one is sitting in any of them. So my revised attendance guesstimate is 12.

Last but not least, Brad Eidsness' twin apparently plays for the Bisons.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Freshman: The Computer Repair Edition

It's really about time UND updated the roster pictures. I was expecting to be able to do this a few weeks ago but evidently the UND athletic department was too busy changing their nickname and showing no balls to update the pictures. Unfortunate. This year's freshman are rather boring and judging by their apparel, without money to purchase quality clothing. Combined they look to have the personality of a thumb tack. Also unfortunate. What happened to having players with personalities like Hexy and Ben Blood? Instead the team is going in the opposite direction and are taking after their coach. This makes me sad and does not bode well for Brad Miller Time. After Hexy and Mario are gone, who will host? Ryan Hill and Tate Maris? Well, it would give them something to do.

Derek Forbort - Appears he beat up a Geek Squad employee and stole his uniform. While he does have quality Joe Mauer-esque sideburns, he should demand the UND web monkeys spell check his bio.
Is it really that difficult to spell things properly? The answer is yes. Because the UND web monkeys are the same gomers who have been selling a picture of "The Barn" for two years. The only problem with this is that the link to purchase it does not work. It's been like this for two years. Just fix it already.

Derek Rodwell - Eyebrows are flatter than Grand Forks. If only he had a Jordan Foote unibrow, he could be Bert from Sesame Street. Also beat up Geek Squad employee. If hockey career fizzles out, could be stunt double for Ryan Reynolds.

Dillon Simpson - Puts more time into styling and highlighting his hair than his mother. Geek Squad beater upper #3. The greatest defenseman since Bobby Orr. Why are his dad's Stanley Cups listed backwards? UND web monkeys screwing up once again. What a surprise. I'm sure they won't fix this either. Freaking worthless twits.

Brock Nelson - The next Bernie Madoff given his major. Greases down his hair like my cousin, Wayne. Even has the same goofy looking hairstyle. Geek Squad #4.

Apparently everyone on this team beats up Geek Squad employees and steals their $3 ties. Maybe it's part of freshman initiation or something? I'm not sure. I suppose it's better than stealing stop signs though.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Bitterness Thy Name is Dirty

So I did this stupid WCHA draft again this year. Luckily I weaseled RWD into hooking me up with all the work she did and thus my team won't suck as much this year. Unluckily, I got fucked in the last round. Greased up and fucked right up the poop shoot. Some retard who doesn't even understand hockey but joined this league anyways had someone else draft for him. This someone else picks Dillon Simpson the pick right before me. I was pissed. I am pissed. I will remain pissed. Fuck this game. I don't even know if I'll do anything this year. This is fucking bullshit.

On to my picks, of which I do not even care about any more. Fuck this. And fuck you. And you. And you. Fuck everyone.

Round 1: Kenny Reiter - UMD - G: There are only three decent goalies in the WCHA. Reiter is one of them. Since my team sucked last year I got the #3 pick, so I was able to take him. He'll probably suck now. Go me.

Round 2: Anthony Maiani - DU - F: The second year in a row I've taken Maiani in the second round. I immediately regretted this pick and still think I should've taken Jason Gregoire. He'll probably suck now. Go me.

Round 3: Matt Read - BSU - F: The best player for Bemidji State. Hopefully he won't totally suck now that he has to play good teams every weekend instead of twits from Bob Morris and Alabama. But he probably will. Go me.

Round 4: Ben Youds - MSUM - D: Yeah, whatever. He was pretty good on the PP last year, so I took him. Who cares? He will probably suck now. Go me.

I was pretty happy with my team right now. It was going pretty well and I didn't have to rely on all UND players since I didn't have any clue on what the hell to do.

Round 5: Ryan Lowery - CC - D: I don't know who this guy is. I really don't pay much attention to many players it seems. He appears good, but I have no idea. He will probably suck this year. Go me.

Round 6: Jacob Cepis - UM - F: Cepis an annoying little dick who can score points. He was pretty good once he was eligible to play. He'll probably be weighed down by the UofM crappiness that ruins all Gopher players though this year. I'm sure he will suck this year. Go me.

Round 7: Beau Bennett - DU - F: A supposedly awesome freshman. We'll see. I probably jinxed him and his kneecap will explode or something in November. Blah.

Round 8: Eric Olimb - UNO - D: Some Maverick guy who scored some points in the Cupcake Conference. Much like Read, he'll probably suck now that he has to play real teams.

Round 9: Stephen Schultz - CC - F: Another CC player who I have no idea about. Truthfully I don't even remember if he was my seventh pick. I don't remember any of my picks now. They all glob together like if you mixed several colors of PlayDoh. So maybe he wasn't my seventh pick. Whatever. He'll probably suck this year. Go me.

Round 10: John Faulkner - UNO - G: I needed a second goalie and this guy is UNO's starting goalie. This was a steal.

Round 11: Sam Zabkowicz - SCSU - D: I pretty much drafted all defensemen I know nothing about. So again, whatever.

Round 12: Drew Shore - DU - F
: A steal or something for this round. Kinda like Dillon Simpson would've been if I wasn't fucked out of him. Screw you all.

Round 13: Brock Nelson - UND - F: I needed a UND player and Nelson is going to be a stud. If I didn't jinx him. I hope I jinx Bennett and not Nelson because DU sucks.

Round 14: Luka Vidmar - UAA - D: If I know nothing about defensemen from real schools, I won't have a clue about a guy like this.

Round 15: Matt Ambroz - UNO - F: No idea again. I'm just making random picks now.

Round 16: Taylor Dickin - UND - F: This guy isn't coming until after Christmas and even then he probably won't even play. But who cares? I wanted Dillon Simpson. I am fucking pissed off. I should have gotten him. This fucking sucks. Fuck everyone.

I was very happy with this team until the last pick. It absolutely ruined the entire draft for me. I seriously do not care anymore now. I'll finish last and I don't care. I don't even want to do this anymore. So if someone else wants to take over this team, go for it.