Monday, November 5, 2007

Muskrat House

Muskrat House? Wha???? Muskrat House is one of the interpretations for what the name Wisconsin means. How completely asinine and stupid is that? It's right up the alley of everything that is Wisconsin. It totally sucks.

So when I went to Michigan Tech there were lots of moments that were completely awesome. UND smoking Tech 6-0 on Saturday. Getting kicked out of the Tech Student Section. Ripping on the crappy nachos. Dolphins with legs sewn on and respirators so they can breathe. These were all great times. But there were two moments that stood out far and above any others on the weekend. They were:

Is there anything quite as beautiful as a sign announcing you've left Wisconsin? I don't think so. Obviously Wisconsin is just a terrible state and no one likes it. But why don't people like it? Why does Wisconsin suck? Surely there are more reasons than "it just does." Well here are those reasons according to all sorts of people:

A sign found in Wisconsin said: Open Everyday! 7 am-8pm (Summer Until 9 pm) 8 Days a Week Major Credit Cards Accepted - The Darkness

Every single one of the douchebags that live there worship the Vicodin popping, drunken grease monkey, hick that plays for their favorite team - Dirty

They play in a "dual purpose facility". I'm guessing the two purposes are to suck and blow. - Bakunin/Santa Lucia/GopherFan18/asterick hat/27 other people

They don't have a decent hockey team, professional or otherwise. - Brenthoven

The City of Ashland had a detour for absolutely no reason. There was no road construction. There was no accident. There was nothing. They had a detour because they suck. - Dirty

No alcohol sales in Madtown after 9 PM. - Twitch Boy

The colors on the Packers uniforms really clash with each other. - Brenthoven

If you're waiting for a ride back from State Street at 1 AM and you're trying to keep warm in the entryway of the museum next to the capitol building, the police will think you've robbed it. Even if you're wearing a full Pep Band uniform and a giant hot dog on your head. I almost became the second Pep Band member to end up in police custody. - Twitch Boy

They think Miller High Life is indeed the pinnacle of good beer. - Brenthoven

The men actually have more teeth than the women, although the men have less tattoos. - Brenthoven

The stupid 8.5x11" max sign size in the Kohl Center - MeanEgirl

Madison residents have more pinball machines per capita than any other city in the US. (This isn't a bad thing per se; I just suck at pinball.) - Twitch Boy

They think blaze-orange overalls is their "Sunday Best." - Brenthoven

Almington - MeanEgirl

Packers, Brewers, Bucks - The Darkness (You forgot Badgers, Rob Green)

You need a Master's in Linguistics to pronounce a typical Wisconsin last name, Wojekewowskiewicz for example. - Brenthoven (Bonus points for the ethnic hatred exhibited towards Poles)

Cheeseheads like to boink deer and dead people. That's just nasty and wrong. - Dirty

No NHL team - MeanEgirl

*If anyone has any more reasons to add, I'd be happy to add them.