Sunday, September 28, 2008

Lamoureux vs. Lamoureux: A (Exhibition) Battle to the Death

In my time watching college hockey I've learned a few things:
  1. Alaska-Anchorage will never be good.
  2. Mankato State frequently changes their name.
  3. Mitch Lake is creepy.
  4. Jesus Hates Wisconsin.
  5. SCSU fans like to whine.
  6. Miami is the most overrated team in the country.
  7. On Saturday's UND reuses popcorn from Friday night. They carry the old popcorn to the various concession stands in garbage bags. EWWWWW!
  8. Canadian University teams are typically made up of older players who suck too much to play professionally but stubbornly refuse to stop playing hockey. They are also a bunch of goons.
UND has their annual game against Manitoba next Sunday and this last point seems to once again be true. The Bisons (I still don't get that. Bisons? Really? Horrible Grammar.) are likely filled with talentless goons, not the least of which is Pierre-Paul Lamoureux (from now on referred to as PPL because his name is WAY too many letters to type every time). PPL just happens to be the brother of former UND goaltender Jean-Phillipe Lamoureux and current UND freshman Mario Lamoureux. PPL is a freshman, or whatever the equivalent is in the weird Canadian University system. Canada refuses to use this terminology because, well I don't know why. For the hell of it perhaps. I think PPL is one of the few non-Canadian players to play in the CIS, the Canadian version of the NCAA. Tommy Mannino, the cousin of former Denver goalie Peter Mannino, is the only other American I found in my thorough research of the Canada West Conference. What is with Americans playing in the CIS being relatives of former WCHA goalies? That's just weird. Since leaving Grand Forks Central, PPL has the following stats:

281 GP, 6 Goals, 26 Assists, 683 PIM.

Judging from these stats and his team picture, he'll fit right in with the rest of the Manitoba twits. He's been in 35 fights in the last four years according to Hockeyfights.com and it seems he sucks at it. This opinion is backed up by this and this. I love the caption for the second video, "Pierre Paul doing what he does best..". What exactly does he do best? Get his ass kicked in fights? Despite obvious lack of skill, he will likely attempt to start a Primeau Brothers style fight with Mario. If he succeeds at this, he will no doubt get his lunch handed to him. Heck, I bet his twin sisters can even beat up him up. That's probably why he left Grand Forks in the first place; he was tired of Jocelyne and Monique beating him up.

Speaking of total losers, Calin Wild is a complete doofus. He is doing a blog on Manitoba's season. Why is the first thing he talks about the remodeling of the locker room? And why does he sound so fruity talking about it? He's so excited about the new paint job that he's going to hang around the locker room more often now? Really? What's he going to do? Stand there and admire the walls? It sounds like this guy needs a hobby. Maybe if instead of admiring jerseys and feeling up carpet Calin practiced more, he wouldn't be playing for a crap CIS team. Maybe he could be playing in the ECHL. The rest of his blog is a complete bore and not worthy of mention other than if he loves the coldtub, why doesn't he marry it?

In yet another epic failure, what is with Manitoba's roster page? Is their webmaster some obese guy who spends his entire day sticking his stubby fingers into a Pringles can trying to get the crumbs out of the bottom? Sure I have all sorts of errors on this blog, but I'm not running an......Holy crap! I'm watching Talk Show with Spike Fernstein on Fox and Kevin Farley is a guest. Does he look just like his brother or what? That's freaking amazing......... University Website. Why is there no consistency with listing the player's hometown? Some list town, province and country while others only list the town. What the heck? Come on, it's really not that tough to have the same format for all the hometowns. Why is listing the country even neccessary? Other than for PPL, it seems like a complete waste of time. And why isn't there a team picture at the top? There is obviously a place for it with that big black square. If the team picture hasn't been taken yet, leave that part off the website. It looks totally bush league to have it. Finally, why do they spell it center? They are spelling it defence, so why aren't they spelling it centre?

Why isn't Manitoba updating their webpage to clear off old players? As you can see Krister Toews is shown as a random player. The problem is that Toews signed with the Manitoba Moose this summer. This is ridiculous. Take a little pride in your school and their website. Make it accurate. It really isn't that difficult. You know who I blame for all of this? Chris Zuk. Last year he did a pathetic job of putting together the season preview as it was littered with spelling mistakes and random boldings, so it really isn't that much of a surprise that he is behind the laziness that is Manitoba's webpage. Zuk is being just as lazy as the webmaster. If he put any effort at all into or gave one damn about his job, things could actually be done competently. Instead Manitoba's website sucks, updates suck, previews suck, every thing sucks. This clown needs to be fired.

The Bisons are still a crappy team, going 15-20-2 last year and finishing 4th place in Canada West. It'd be nice if Manitoba would become a good team at some point as it get boring playing them every year when they are so crappy. On the plus side for Manitoba, season tickets are once again pretty damn cheap. $100! They are only $75 if you take advantage of the Early Bird Special. Awesome! And that's for every sport. This is pretty much the only thing about Manitoba that is worth snot.

The only hope I have for this game is that in the first period Aaron Walski and/or Brad Eidness manages to save more than 1/3 of the shots he faces. Other than that, I don't really care too much as UND will almost definitely win and the game doesn't even matter.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Pre-Entrepreneurship. Is It A Real Major?

Brad Eidness and Graeme Harrington both have Pre-Entrepreneurship listed as their major. dubz, whoever the hell that is, has asked me to investigate this major to find out if this is actually even a real major. dubz it seems is completely unwilling to do even the smallest amount of detective work to answer this question for himself. He is however willing to make conspiracy theory level conjecture on what exactly Pre-Entrepreneurship is. To quote our friend dubz:

Is [Pre-Entrepreneurship] sort of like "I haven't quite built an independently wealthy-massive-casino-Nazi-racist mascot fortune like Englestad...yet?"


Ummm, no dubz. That's just plain stupid. It doesn't even make sense. I sincerely hope he didn't spend too much time thinking up that idea. I do need to congratulate dubz on not knowing how to spell Engelstad. Spelling the name of the guy he was making fun of correctly might have added some credence to his theory. As it is though, it's just a sad seven year old joke. I won't hold it against him though as he probably doesn't know any better. Heck he was so lost on what Pre-Entrepreneurship was that he asked me for help. When was that ever a good idea? Since dubz was obviously a few fries short of a Happy Meal, I figured I'd help him out, so here we go.

Pre-Entrepreneurship is actually much like Pre-Law, Pre-Med, Pre-WhateverTheHellTheMajorIs. You pass all these stupid classes and then get accepted into the program. So the real question here is what is entrepreneurship? From my brief investigation entrepreneurship appears to be a major for people who want to learn how to scam others out of their money. All you have to do is come up with lamebrain ideas and then sell them to the sucker public. I'm not really sure why you'd need to major in this though. It's obvious. People are freaking stupid. It's a fact of life. I don't need to go to school to learn this, I just need to open my eyes. I mean just look at all the stupid things people buy.


One of the worst things is this damn "Buy food in 100 Calorie packages!" This is complete and utter bullshit. Essentially what is happening is you are paying more money for the privilege of getting less food in a cute little package. People are way too stupid to realize this though because they are fucking lemmings. Since all their friends are doing it, they need to do it too. So they go out and buy this crap, paying twice as much for it in the stupid 100 Calorie packaging as they would have if they would have just bought it in normal packaging.

So dubz, to answer your question, entrepreneurship is pretty much taking advantage of the infinite stupidity of the American public. In other words, taking advantage of people like you.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Freshman Taunting

After nearly a six month hiatus, it's time for me to make a long awaited post. Since there were no (reported) arrests of UND players this summer, it's been kind of boring. I was really hoping that Joe Finley would have fought a polar bear after breaking into the Cincinnati Zoo or, despite it being July, an alumni like Ed Belfour would singlehandedly ruin Oktoberfest in Dusseldorf. Alas, neither of those things happened and instead I was left bored out of my mind. Being so bored you would have thought I would have come up with ideas for this blog. You'd be wrong though. So instead of having a great new blog entry with a brilliantly sophisticated premise, I'm going to make fun of the freshman again. It's something I'm good at so I'm going with it. This year, they are back to wearing suits and ties. That's a major step up from last year where it looked like schmucks in their under armor shirts.

Corey Fienhage hails from the great city of Apple Valley, home of Karl Goehring. Corey appears to have a lazy eye, like Stuart Scott. Hopefully this doesn't effect his play on the ice and much more importantly doesn't make him an annoying sack of donkey crap, like Stuart Scott.

Mario Lamoureux It's Phil Kessel! With two balls! I wonder if he'll hyphenate his name too. It'd be especially cool if he was Mario-Luigi.

Jason Gregoire is a great person because he told Denver to screw off and decided to come to UND. Due to this he can murder puppies and punch nuns in the face for all I care. He is a great person. I am considering voting for him for president. He is that awesome. Sure he's Canadian and like 18, therefore completely ineligible, but that's ok. He's still better than Grandpa POW or Hockey Mom.

I hope David Toews is like Chay Genoway and tells everyone that they've been pronouncing his name wrong. Seriously, how can it be pronounced taves? That doesn't even make sense. I was looking at David's picture and for some reason his tie looked familiar so I did some Sherlock Holmes investigating (i.e. looked on Google) to try to figure out why it seemed so familiar. That's Jonathon's tie! First we had T.J. Oshie and Robbie Bina sharing a tie a couple years ago, now David is using Jonathon tie. What is with this Sioux hockey tie sharing thing?

Ben Blood. Most. Awesome. Name. Ever. You sir, Ben Blood are not being made fun of because your name is AWESOME.

Brett Hextall Holy Haircut Batman! I truly hope Brett is like his dad and just goes crazy once in his UND career. It'd be great if he went "Reed Larson" on Don Adam.

Brad Eidness Goalies are supposed to be exciting. Or at least total freaks. Eidness looks to be completely boring though.

Graeme Harrington appears to be carrying on the tradition started by Matt Frattin last year and appears stoned/drunk. He also appears to be wearing a tie he stole off a hobo. Again this tie theme. Either guys refuse to get their own tie or they wear an incredibly cheap looking one. I wouldn't doubt it if Graeme's tie is actually a clip on. Graeme is a messed up spelling too. Doesn't even make sense.