Monday, December 22, 2008

GLI: Hoping I Don't Get Shot

O, we don't give a damn for the whole state of Michigan

The whole state of Michigan, the whole state of Michigan
We don't give a damn for the whole state of Michigan, cause Ohio sucks too

While this song typically only applies to the fake U of M, I'm going to expand the coverage of this song to all crappy schools in Michigan. That means this song covers Michigan, Michigan State, Lake Superior State, Wayne State, Michigan Tech, Grand Valley State, Saginaw Valley State, Northern Michigan, Western Michigan, Eastern Michigan, Central Michigan and every other Directional Michigan there is.

Seriously, is Michigan really worth anything? It's far and away the worst state to get a job in. It's worse than fucking Mississippi fer Christsake. M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I! Any time you are worse than Mississippi at anything, it's time to pack up your bags and leave town because you have obviously failed at life. I can only assume that Michigan sucking donkey ass when it comes to unemployment is one of many things that Michigan blows monkey balls at. They obviously eat cow crap at football as evidenced by Wolverines and everyone's favorite laughing stock, the Motor City Kitties.

But what really sucks the most about Michigan is obviously the Michigan State Spartans. When you are in last place of the CupCake Hockey Association, you are just pathetic. These jerkoffs are a year and a half removed from fraudiently winning the national championship. Now they are the worst team in Michigan. At least Michigan and Michigan Tech are making an effort to not suck. Michigan State is doing absolutely nothing. They suck and seem proud of it. This is the school that infected the this country with the world's biggest village idiot, Johnny Spirit. You would think they'd try to make up for this crime against humanity by being a decent team. Instead they do the exact opposite and suck more than a Paris Hilton model vacuum cleaner.

Lets forget about the crappy ass hockey team and instead look at something Spartan fans seem to actually care about. Rioting. No wait, I mean Pumpkin Pushing. I'm sorry, but it doesn't matter how good you are when your coach is 53 years old, dresses like an 70's undercover cop hopped up on PCP and no doubt has countless STD's from his college days. When this happenes you automatically lose all credibility. Could this assclown look any dumber? He obviously stole that vest from his wife. And way to sell the whole hippie motif by wearing that watch, Izzo. Fucking moron. Equally pathetic is Izzo's attempt to dress up like a spartan soldier. This isn't even close to believable. He looks like a complete tool bag. And what is with the nipples and "outtie" belly button stuff? That is just lame.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Kids These Days

It's time for The Count again!!!!
One!! Hahaha!
Two!! Hahaha!
Three!! Hahaha!
Four!! Hahaha!
Five!! Hahaha!
Six!! Hahaha!
Seven!! Hahaha!
Seven Potential Dude Love Victims in the box!!

Actually there ended up being eight guys in the box. Team USA is such a bunch of goons that they had to bring out a folding chair. Wow. That is pretty impressive. Let's list off all these clowns:

Kenny Ryan - Boston College
John Ramage - Wisconsin
Richie Crowley - Unwanted Stiff
Drew Shore - Denver
Ryan Borque - New Hampshire
Cam Fowler - Notre Dame
Kevin Lynch - Michigan
Jeremy Morin(Not Pictured) - Unwanted Stiff that refuses to wear a shirt or jersey

What does this show? I have no idea. That teams from all across the country want American Goons? It's rather obvious that many of these guys shouldn't be attending Pioneer High School and should instead be sent to a Juvenile Detention Center. Their shenanigans are completely ridiculous. Especially given who they were playing in the game, Michigan Tech. If Team USA wasn't such a bunch of goons, they probably would've won the game. As if it wasn't embarrassing for the team to lose, they gave up four goals to the Huskies. That is just terrible. I would think Ron Rolston had to be dissappointed in his team for such a subpar effort and of course for being jerks.

There is one player however on the U-18 Team who distinguishes himself from his delinquent teammates by the name of Nick Mattson. This is not surprising as Nick Mattson is a UND recruit and therefore a perfect gentleman. In fact, as of December 7 "Noble" Nick is the only non-goalie without a penalty on Team USA. As you can tell from this article, Nick is just complete awesomeness. Which makes him the exact opposite of all his jerk ass teammates. It's a wonder he can put up with such cretins. The fact that he can do this makes him all the more Noble and just proves why he deserves the nickname I just gave him five minutes ago.

BTW, what's the deal with the USA wearing white helmets? I never got that. It just seems weird to me.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Nothing this Week

SCSU is not worthy of my taunting.

To all my fans, haters and stalkers, sorry for the delay in posting this. I know you all wanted your fix.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Harvard Potter and Thirteen Houses

What is the deal with Harvard having House Affiliations? Cabot, Quincy, Pforzheimer, Lowell, etc. Sounds like something out of Harry Potter. Do any of the hockey players belong to Slytherin or Gryfindor? How about Quiddich? Do any Harvardites play Quiddich? You may think this is just another one of my crazy/moronic conspiracy theories, but you would be wrong. I have proof that Harry Potter and Harvard are related.
Is there any doubt that I am on to something here? Further research is likely necessary, but there is something afoot.

Moving away from the Harry Potter Conspiracy, what House Affiliations really amount to is that Harvard is filled with pricks. House Affiliation my ass. It's a fucking dorm. Quit trying to make yourselves sound special, you aren't. You're just a bunch of buttweasels who got fleeced into paying $40,000/year to attend a school with a bunch of other pricks. That's it. Calling your dorms House Affiliations does not change this.