Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Frat Came Back

Old Coach Hakstol had troubles of his own
He had a Frat who drunk around Grand Forks would he roam;
He said please stop but The Frat said no way,
So he sent Frat home and far away.

But The Frat came back the very next day,
The Frat came back, we thought he was a goner
But The Frat came back; he just couldn't stay away.
Away, away, yea, yea, yea

Now, Finley around the corner swore he'd kill The Frat on sight,
He'd toss his mower with all his might;
He waited and he waited for The Frat to come around,
Ninety seven pieces of the mower is all they found.

But The Frat came back the very next day,
The Frat came back, we thought he was a goner
But The Frat came back; he just couldn't stay away.
Away, away, yea, yea, yea

Monday, November 30, 2009

Idiotic Maine Fans

For some reason this weekend, perhaps due to sheer boredom, I went to the UND-Maine women's hockey games. As per usual, I was singled out and harassed by security personnel. As per unusual, I did nothing to warrant such abuse. This was OK though and I took it all in stride, partially because of the entertainment Black Bear fans brought me.

Let's start out with Friday's game. I am waiting outside the arena for everyone's favorite one eyed sidekick, Schneider to show up. He was totally late and I suggest he try synchronizing his watch his next time, but that is neither here nor there. While impatiently waiting, a group of Maine fans walked by me. The first thing I noticed was the idiotic jerseys they were wearing and the utterly atrocious customization job that was done on them. I laughed at them in my mind. Finally One Eye shows up and after some shenanigans regarding how to obtain tickets, we go into the game. UND blows for the first period and it's boring. I question why I decided to come to this game. For the second period, Schneider and I go sit down, coincidentally relatively close to the Maine fans.

They are really into the game, which is more than I can say for pretty much anyone else there. It's a close game and I'm pretty bored. Finally in the third period excitement occurs. A Maine player goes on a breakaway. She doesn't score and then runs over the UND goalie. A penalty is called. This angers the Maine fans. They start chanting bad words. Schneider and I make fun of them. About a minute later, a face-off occurs in Maine's zone. I run up to the glass and yell "Hey! I check the goalie! It's legal now!". Maine fans are not amused. Schneider and I are though and that's all that matters. UND ends up "winning" the game in a shoot out. Why they are having a shootout for a non-conference game I don't know, but this is what happens.

Schneider and I agree that we need to come back on Saturday just to laugh at the idiot Maine fans and so we do. We arrive before them and as they are coming over to sit down I notice the guy who I assume to be their fearless leader is wearing sunglasses. Wearing sunglasses indoors is so lame. But there was something special about this guys sunglasses. They only had one lens in them. That's right, the right eye had no lens. What in the world? I took pictures of this goober with my camera phone, but they suck. Schneider and I laughed at this. How lame can you be? Why would you only have one lens in your sunglasses? Puzzling. A few minutes later, I noticed another guy in their group also had sunglasses. And he too only had one lens in the sunglasses. Maine fans are really strange.

Around this time was when I was harassed by security. Maine fans brought in air horns and started using them. This is evidently a big no-no. I was falsely accused and probably nearly kicked out because I wouldn't give up my air horn. It was entertaining though being yelled at for once when I had done nothing wrong.

This game also went to shoot out with Maine "winning". The highlight of this shootout was when the snooty nosed Maine fan yelled "Insufficient Funds!" at us when a UND player shot the puck off the pipe. Made no sense then and makes no sense now. It was entertaining though.

BTW, I'm taking back my take back when I said the Lamoureux Twins couldn't beat up PJ. We sat by them this weekend and they would totally own PJ.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Turkey Tournament

Hooray! We won two games in a row!!! What you see on the left is the high point of the the Bemidji State program. Beating two teams that I don't remember and really don't care to remember either. Matt Dalton's life is all downhill from that exact moment that you see. Soon his life will consist of nothing more than eating Fruity Pebbles, smoking kitty litter and vacuuming out people's cars at the local car wash.

Bemidji is getting a new arena next year. All 12 of the Beavers fans and 1700 of their bandwagon fans are excited about this and think it makes them a big deal. It does not. By some miracle of God, Bemidji State is also getting into the WCHA next year. Well aren't they lucky ducks? Yes. They still don't matter though and will be a bottom dwelling crapsack of a team soon enough. Speaking of enough, I've talked about these losers more than enough. Let's talk about the team that dashed the Beavers dreams last year.

The Miami Hurricanes. These guys really came out of nowhere. I've seen highlights of them on ESPN showing up at the '87 Fiesta Bowl in military fatigues and heard of their crack smoking with 2 Live Crew and Luke Campbell, but that was 20 years ago. Heck, I didn't even know they had a hockey team until a couple years ago. Rico "Mini Gwoz" Blasi is their coach and he's supposedly pretty good at this. I disagree. I'm not going to go into why I disagree because this is neither the time nor the place, let's just say I've heard things involving chickens and the shaving of sheep. Disturbing to say the least.

And what is with their mascot promoting smoking? That's irresponsible. Miami wants children to smoke and get cancer. If that isn't reason to dislike these clowns, I don't know what is. I find it completely unacceptable and downright sickening.

Almost as sickening as I find Ohio State or THE Ohio State as they like to call themselves. What a joke. The caption is absolutely correct, only complete losers find the need to put "The" in front of their school's name in a lame attempt to fake importance. I could talk about the beads around the old man's neck and how he probably put them in "special places" of his two sons, but I've decided to make this into a more family friendly site this year, so you will have to come up with your own theories on the use of the necklace. That old man really needs to get some perspective in his life, BTW. It's a game, stop crying like your wife just died in your arms after being mauled by a grizzly bear. Even better, turn in your man card. Are you really crying over a game? Ohio is such a worthless state. Yuck.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Why Tech Fans Suck

Does anyone really like Michigan Tech or their fans? Or is it just sympathy for what a talentless team the Huskies have and therefore people feel obligated to be nice to this collection of uber nerds?

While there are a number of reasons why Tech fans suck, number one on that list, and the one I shall focus on, is their constant use of stupid little gimmicks. And number one on this list of stupid gimmicks is their constant use of embedded audio. If you do this correctly, it isn't annoying at all and can be funny. Tech fans are too stupid or annoying to figure this out though. When they embed things, they insist on auto-playing and hiding it. This makes it so you cannot stop the music from playing. As if this isn't annoying enough, about five of these rejects do this and they all post different audio.

Dear borderline retarded Michigan Technological University Fans,

I thought I made it clear in the above paragraphs, but obviously you are all too stupid to understand. The only people who are being made fun of in this blog entry are those people who embedded audio links in various threads on the United States College Hockey Online Message Board. If you're just a general Tech idiot, of which there are many, you will not be mentioned. ONLY if you have played a part in ruining USCHO for others by constantly embedding audio in threads will you be mentioned.

Understand? Good.

Let's take a look at the primary Tech Tools and what makes them such despicable human beings:

First offender: Yager. Just look at this geek. What an absolute dingbat. He's currently the President of Mitch's Misfits or something. Not like anyone cares. Heck I'm sure most people don't even know what this is, but for those that do, at least know we know why this group of dinks has completely gone downhill. Would you want this four-eyed loser leading you? I know I wouldn't. I don't think there is a single redeeming quality about this jerk. He is pretty much the pimple on the arse of the boil that is Houghton, MI. I guess if you force me to say one nice thing about this putz I'd go with the fact that his mom looks like a total cougar. Because of this, I'll ask the one question everyone wants to know. Yager, is your mom a cougar?

Losers Number Two and Three: Twitchboy (left) and BeerPongHorn (right). The flicking off of the camera just illustrates their total uselessness. Both of these gumbas are graduates of Michigan Tech. That means that they should've gotten over the urge to flick the camera off at least two years ago. They obviously didn't though. You can't quite make it all out, but look at the headwear these two are wearing. A hot dog. A HOT DOG. Seriously? It nearly makes me puke every time I see it. Then BPH is wearing a whatever the heck it is. Actually, this particular headwear isn't that bad. It's more that he's like a History major graduate or something. Whatever he is, it's a completely worthless major.

The Forth and final Super Dork: Flashy Man. He's the doofus on the right. Yes, he's the one who's doing a thumbs up for another guy successfully pinning a flower to his suit coat. That just screams loser. I don't know who this other dork is, but if I did, I can guarantee you that I'd include him in this listing. Back to Flashy Man, I am unsure of what this name refers to. To me it sounds like he enjoys going to elementary school playgrounds and hitting on small children. I certainly hope this isn't true, but when you combine the words man and flash, it is what immediately comes to mind. So please Flashy Man, clear this up for us. Are you a child predator? Thus far the Family Feud Survey Says: Yes. Prove the survey wrong or live with the consequences.

Speaking of child predators, here we have two. Boosh, the dork in the sweater vest, is not a part of the above complete losers. He is however a student at Michigan Tech and did consciously decide to dress up like Mitch "I like little girls" Lake for Halloween. This is just downright disturbing. I have no idea why you would want to emulate this weirdo. Or I had no idea, until Boosh told me the following:

And I was actually at a party dancing with a 17 year old the night before.

Ewww! Rumor has it that Boosh was in fact dancing with TubaBabe/crazytechfan. Is it true? Is it false? Who knows, but the one thing we do know is that Boosh is just a bad person. I thought Boosh was relatively normal. In fact I know Boosh used to be relatively normal. That has changed now though and I find it sad. Boosh was a fine upstanding citizen of the world and now he's just a sick freak. If this doesn't prove that Friends Don't Let Friends Attend Michigan Tech, nothing does.

UPDATE: It seems we have an update on who Boosh was creeping on. I am now being told by a source who calls him/herself IHeartMileyCyrus that it was not crazytechfan. It was a young lady called "Annie". I have not confirmed this, so IHeartMileyCyrus may have lied to me.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Ren&Stimpy Polynesia Illness

RPI is off to another horrible start. Sure they somehow managed to beat a New Hampshire team that must have been on on crack, but have since been their typical crappy selves. Going 0-1-1 against the Alaska schools is really nothing to write home about. Or email home about between marathon sessions of WoW in the case of the typical RPI student. Following that up by needing overtime to beat Sacred Heart just shows what a poor program the nerds from Rensselaer have. And finally they barely beat American International. I think a Simpsons quote is applicable here:

Mr. Burns: Honestly, Smithers, I don't know why [RPI] even bothers to show up. They barely even won.
Smithers: Their cheating was even more rampant than last year, sir.
When is the last time RPI was even relevant? The more insane people of you might say similair things about Union, but RPI has totally gone down the crapper and they will obviously never recover. Union is a team on the rise while RPI is a team on it's way to becoming a whipping boy if they aren't already there. Pathetic.

Since we're talking about things at RPI that used to be, at one time RPI had something cool. Puckman. While they still have Puckman, he's no longer cool. This guy/girl....oh wait it can't be a girl, RPI doesn't have girls.....looks like a complete loser. And that isn't even a puck! it's a freaking sticker. This goober should be called Stickerman. Why do so many people think this dink is cool? Just look at him, it's obvious that he can barely even skate. He has no arms, just hands and carries a moronically oversized stick. Obviously he is trying to compensate for something. As far as that stupid "engineering helmet" he wears, it looks like a Greek fishing hat. No one wears those things still. Join the 21st Century Stickerman.

On to the game, is there any doubt that Kelly Zajac is going to completely destroy the Engineers? I'm guessing he'll score at least two goals and have one assist. Afterall, he's a Zajac and Zajac's rule. Kelly Zajac is also a 12th degree blackbelt, so in addition to outscoring them he will also beat up all of the nerds from Troy.

Dutchman Crush.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Sourdough Mining Co. and Other Atrocities

Since I really could not care less about the crappy and boring team that is the University of Alaska-Anchorage Seawolves, I looked for something else to write about this week. The only thing I could think of was to make fun of the mascot/prospector of the Sourdough Mining Co., Dusty. While looking for info on him, I located some of the crappiest commercials known to man. which coincidentally all just happen to originate in Alaska.

Let us start with the namesake of this blog entry and check out a Sourdough Mining Company commercial:

OK, this commercial starts out and I seriously have no idea what "Dusty" says. Perhaps something about being a hobo who has been given a fresh set of clothes? To answer your question Mr. Singer Guy...No, corn fritters don't sound very tasty to me. They sound disgusting in fact. I really wish I could have found the commercial that is featured during UAA games where Dusty loads his caravan up full of food with his mule Jake. That one is just comedy gold. This one is just average. The theme song is nowhere near UAA! UAA! We are the Seawolves and we're ready to play! Then again, what is? After seeing this commercial, I decided to check out the Sourdough Mining Company website . Look at this. How pathetic is Alaska? They are giving seasonal shows to hobos now? Shouldn't Donald have a job in this case?


Sex may be worth waiting for, but this commercial wasn't. This isn't just an awful Alaska commercial, it's an awful anything commercial. I want that 30 seconds of my life back.

Alaskans Are Drunks:

I wish I was deaf. So when the guy gets put in the back of the cop car he's wearing a hat. Then when shown riding in the back he's no longer wearing a hat. Once he gets out of the car he's back to wearing a hat. Once placed in the slammer, no hat. Hello Continuity!

Smoking Kills Peoples!!!!!:

First of all, what the hell does a solar eclipse have to do with secondhand smoke? As for the message of the commercial, I disagree completely. I believe all people should be forced to breath secondhand smoke. Is that guy in the white shirt wearing a carpet sample on his head or something?

Crappy Carpet:

Wow, the production values on this one are sky high. That bird sounds like it has hiccups more than anything else. And is it wearing glasses? Why is it teal? You do have to admire how the bird can hover though. I thought only hummingbirds did that.

Dancing Morons:

Ahhh, the commercial that will be played 112 times this weekend and at least once every break. I do wonder where they recruited all these peons from though. I counted 10 different people, including the hockey player and mascot. That leaves eight fans and we all know UAA doesn't have that many fans.

Boozeless Parties:

Madame, you are WRONG! Alcohol abuse is never something to celebrate! Just pouring it out? What the? That is just not right.

Crappy Carpet Without the Bird:

What in the world kind of dance is that? It looks like a cross between a seizure and the "I have to pee but the bathroom is being used" dance. Quite the fashion statement though. Red shirt, leather vest and Spongebob tie.

Sioux Sweep.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Total Arse Whooping: The Sequel

Different Year, Same Result. At least to start with and actually it's the same year too. In the end though, it was like most sequels and just wasn't the same. It started out great but then sort of fizzled when compared to the original. It's not that it was bad, it's just that it couldn't quite live up to it's expectations.

At least it started out great though. Seriously I was beginning to become concerned for the Gophers. They just do not show up in Grand Forks. It's hilarious but is a bit concerning. No wait, it's not concerning at all. It's just hilarious. My grandma's bridge club could have put up a bigger fight.

Saturday Night

Oi, look at that! It's one of the most elusive and rare sightings in all of college hockey! A Golden Gopher lead in Ralph Engelstad Arena!!! By cranky, you see something like this and you just have to treasure it. Much like "the Whale," only beats Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime, so do the Gophers get a lead at Engelstad.

Ahhh, that's just sad. The rare Gopher lead has disappeared, likely to never be seen again. One hopes that the Gophers react well to this.

Well scratch that. Putting a guy in a headlock and dragging him over to the corner, throwing his helmet away and jumping back on him is more of sign that Tony Lucia has a future in Mexican Wrestling than a sign that the Gophers are reacting well to losing the lead.

And now the Gophers trail! Being outshot 20-8. They lose the lead, then jump players and now are losing the game. Wow this is just sad.

Ooooo! The Gophers tie it back up! With a shorthanded goal! Exciting!

!!!!! I was wrong! A second oh so rare sighting! In one night! This is amazing!!!!

Awwww. That didn't last long at all. Barely a minute.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Gopher Dance Studio?

Does this picture really even need comment? Drew Fisher, Alex Kangas, Cade Fairchild and Mike Hoeffel obviously have no shame. I take that back, Fisher obviously does have shame because he wisely quit the Gopher team to avoid further embarrassment for himself and his family. Good job Drew, way to prove you have a brain in that head of yours. Unfortunately for your teammates, they don't share this particular trait. Then again, I don't know why I'm surprised by this picture. After all the Gophers are the team who thought just because you're in college doesn't mean the whole team can't get perms or bleach their hair. Just a tip for Gopher players, never use something on your hair that Wisconsin natives drink. It's just a good rule to live by.

Back to the picture. What exactly are these four marshmallowheads attempting to do? Synchronized Ice Dancing? Are they hoping to become Olympians in this since they don't have a chance of making it with hockey? Trying out for Karate Kid 4? Hoping to sell their dignity to the highest bidder? Whatever their objective, I hope they achieved it.

If the above picture proves only one thing, it's that Gopher players are idiots. Speaking of idiots, I think we've found some here. Currently 475 members who, if you read through the comments, have a combined IQ a shade under 500. It's also nice to see that the group maintains the Minnesota Xenophobic tradition of not allowing any outsiders to join the group. Different opinions are scary and shouldn't be allowed! This group seems to be devoted to the scores of insecure Gopher fans who aren't smart enough to have any comeback to Sioux fans when they are taunted. So they join a support group with their fellow thin skinned babies so they can cry on each other's shoulders and complain about UND. It's sort of cute. But it's also pretty sad. The pathetic life that is the average Gopher fan exhibited in that group. I believe we should start a collection for all these poor Gopher souls. Who's with me on this?

Monday, October 5, 2009

Miss Merrimack

Mack Mack
Team plays like Crap Crap Crap
They give up lots of Goals Goals Goals
Grads live in Shacks Shacks Shacks

This team plain old blows. They haven't had a winning season since 1988-89 and that was only because they were an DI Independent and playing Little St. Annes Blind Paraplegic Underprivileged Girls School for the Poor. I don't even know why UND is playing them. Pity? Free Pairwise Wins? Who knows. Whooping a glorified DII team isn't that exciting. I think I'd rather nap. Naps rule.

Let's look at all the examples of Merrimack's craptacularness.
  • A success story is when one of their player's makes the AHL. Oooh, the Worchester Sharks. WTG! Even Anchorage doesn't find that impressive.
  • They have two, count 'em TWO, draft picks. Whooptee Doo.
  • Stupid Birthday promotion on October 23. What about me? What if I want to go to a game? I have to pay? I want a free ticket! I'm being hosed. BOOOO!!!
  • Sponsor a Jersey Program. Evidently no one wants to sponsor a jersey since it hasn't been updated for two years. Also toughest conference in college hockey? HA! Just the fact that Merrimack is in the Hockey East excludes it from being the toughest conference in college hockey.
  • They have a Frenchy who is curently ineligible.
  • Team Lincoln Log Lift.

Enough about the crappy hockey team though, lets find out more about the school.
  • Merrimack College is a school located in North Hanover, MA. Never heard of it.
  • Merrimack's president looks like a fat version of my grandpa.
  • Merrimack is filled with Jesus Freaks. Sad.
  • When using FireFox Merrimack's FAQ's looks like a eye chart. That's bad website programming. Shame on Christopher Blundon, who I assume is in charge of such a thing.

Lastly, I petition Danny Kristo be given the nickname Count. It just works.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Again with these Guys?

I am seriously getting tired of playing Manitoba and their grammatically incorrect mascot. Every year UND plays these guys and every year they win. Why are we even bothering with this any more? Can't we play the WCHA Women's All-Stars or something? The highlight of this game is going to be seeing UND wear new uniforms. Zippity Doo Dah Day. New uniforms! No wonder this is the lowest attended game of the season, no one cares. What a silly waste of time.

Manitoba has a new coach this year. Well not really, but kind of. Mike Sirant has returned as the Bisonseses head coach after spending three years as the coach of the Danish national team. I barely remembered that Danishland had a hockey team until I read about Sirant. I was planing on making fun of Sirant and Lower Norway here, but meh. Who cares? I wonder if they could beat Manitoba? They should try, it has to be a better game than what will happen next Sunday.

Anyways, let's review the Manitoba website once again. To no one's surprise it once again blows. At least it's blowing in a new and original way though. Last year, Manitoba didn't bother to update the website and hence still had graduated players listed as on the team. This year, they've eliminated half the team and are only listing 13 players on their roster. Is that even legal? Don't you need to dress 18 players and a goalie or forfeit? Speaking of Manitoba's roster, I am once again amazed how they classify player's hometowns. It is completely disorganized. Some players have just their cities listed while some have their cities, province and country listed. Is the country really even necessary? Whether it is or not, this hometown listing is a problem every year and really isn't that difficult to fix. They just don't fix it though and it's beginning to annoy me. I really don't think asking for consistency is really that big of a request, but for Manitoba I guess it is.

It's not all negative with the Manitoba Bisonseses though. Once again Manitoba is a cheap ticket. Heck, it's getting even cheaper to go to games now. $50 for the whole season for all sports. ALL SPORTS! Every year I am amazed by this, it is such a deal. I can not believe they actually sell season tickets to one sport, much less all sports combined, for that price. You can barely get a single Sioux-Gopher ticket for that price.

There is one final thing I must say and it's another positive!

Dear Pierre-Paul Lamoureux,

I notice you have left Manitoba to come home to UND. This is wonderful and I welcome you back home. It's nice to see that you have wised up PPL, or as some people call you, PP. Given that you have returned to your rightful place, I immediately rescind everything bad I said about you last year. You aren't afraid of your sisters and they aren't embarrassed to be related to you. I apologize for any feelings hurt last year or people I angered with my scathing commentary of you, PPL. Please don't release your girlfriend/friends upon my blog again.

Thank You,


Saturday, September 26, 2009

DU Students Attempt to Copy UND Campout; Fail.

Yesterday afternoon a campout began for 500 student season ticket packages that went on sale this morning at the University of Denver. Hopes were high that DU students just might be able to emulate the students of their bitter rivals at the University of North Dakota and have a "Tent City". Early reports are that upwards of 27 of the 500 packages have been sold. Unfortunately, 15 students returned their tickets immediately after purchasing them. As explained by Drew Stevens, "We heard Barry Manilow was coming here and thought we were purchasing tickets to the concert." So that left DU with 12 student season ticket packages sold. By any typical school's standards this would be considered an abysmal failure. Pioneer students attempted to copy their heroes and like most sequels, it failed miserably. At DU though it is considered a great success. To me this is totally pathetic. 12 season tickets sold and DU is proud of this? Really? Wow, is that sad. Not surprising though, Denver fans absolutely suck. Proof of this suck comes in the middle of season when of those 12 "diehard" student season ticket holders, six show up for the game. Why? Because they believe it's more fun to fall down a mountain then it is to watch the Jelly Donuts play hockey.

DU Superfan, dggoddard, (note: a DU Superfan is defined as someone who attends 3+ Pioneer games/season) believes the key to getting all 12 of the students coming to the games in January is simple. Denver needs to make the games more fun for students. Better music, better entertainment, cheerleaders, etc are all required. Because obviously watching one of the top teams in the country isn't enough, the sophisticated palate of the typical DU student requires flashy lights and sparkles to draw them in.

To some DU fan's credit, they are attempting to solve the lackluster attendance by having the DU Grilling Society. Nothing draws in college students like free food. But really shouldn't this just be an added benefit of going to the games? No one will be attending games just to get food and if they are, they'll leave after they get the free food. That is unless the Grilling Society is making a sparkly trail from the grilling area to the student section in Magness Arena. Even in that case, I'm sure these students will just leave as soon as something else peaks their interest.

An idea I have for drumming up season tickets sales would have been for DU coach George "Dasher Dancer" Gwozdecky to come out last night to meet and greet with the students who were camping out. Unfortunately for DU students, George had more important things to do and was busy last night. Georgie Porgie Puddin' and Pie had an appointment with the Colorado Rockies announcing crew. People who watched the broadcast have informed me George agreed to visit with the Rockies announcers in order to talk about a fan base that actually cares about their team. Gwoz was absolutely beaming when speaking of the Fighting Sioux fans and his love for them. He mentioned several times how much he wished his own team's fans even had 1/10th the passion. George, how right you are. It's nice to see you are finally coming around to see how great we are. I'd like to think that I played a small part in George coming to this realization when I had him sign my book last year. Thanks again Dasher Monkey!!!!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

UNDUI's: History's Second Worst Fantasy Team

This summer I was asked to join a WCHA Fantasy League by MeanEgirl and I figured what the hell. It would be free and there was really nothing to lose, right?

Wrong. I find out this week that this thing is going to cost me $10. Well crap. I absolutely suck at everything fantasy, so I may as well just burn $10. I am totally hosed. It'll be fun though and the draft will be awesome though, right?

Wrong. Tip for anyone looking to join a Fantasy League of any kind, never join a league that has more than one St. Cloud State University fan. It's destined for disaster. Between Weldie forgetting about the draft entirely and another SCSU fan constantly losing his internet connection, it was hilarious. Incompetence at it's best.

But the highlight of the draft was Darcy "No, not Travis. DARCY" Zajac going in the fifth round. Darcy is most remembered for getting his butt handed to him two years ago by Tony Lucia. He averaged 0.44 points/game with a scoring line of 4-8-12 last year in the WCHA. I certainly made mistakes in the draft, most notably taking too many freaking UND forwards, but at least I didn't take a 10th round player in the fifth round. Even Al Davis wouldn't do that.

I need to credit dggoddard for my team picture. What better picture for the UNDUI's then a record of all their shenanigans? Plus I got to steal other people's hard work. Not only is that much easier than doing things myself, but it's fun too. I also need to dedicate the team name to Matt Frattin. Without him, I don't think I'd have thought of the name. I was trying to come up with a good name that involved Matt's name and something about lawn mowers. I was about about to go with Frattin's Mower Throwers when UNDUI's came to be like when Mary had that vision of Gabriel, only my vision was much more important and meaningful. So thank you

On to my "awesome" picks! RWD and MEg put all sorts of effort into planning and researching. I'm assuming other people in this league did something similair. I, on the other hand, took naps.

Round 1: Mike Lee - SCSU - Thank God I didn't go first, because I would've taken a forward. Since I picked like 4th, I started to panic.

Me: ARRRRGHHHH!!!! The only three competent proven goalies in the WCHA are gone, I'm totally screwed. Quick brain, who's Wisconsin's goalie?
Brain: Huh? What?
Me: Crap! Umm....ahhhh...ummm... a goalie? Mike Lee!!! Oh yeah, he's gonna be good right?
Brain: Wait! Are you sure that's the way this sort of thing works?
Me: Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!

Round 2: Anthony Maiani - DU - This is who I was planning on taking in the first round. Hooray! I still got him! Hooray!!! DU's gonna destroy everyone this year, so Maini will get a zillion points. At least he better or I'll be a bitter bear.

Round 3: Kurt Davis - MSUM - Sure he's a jerk. Sure he's a total mama's boy and his mommy gets her panties in a knot when you make fun of him. He's pretty good though.

Round 4: Derek Stepan - UW - This guy had two goals against UND in the last game of the regular season. I had never heard of him before. This is the only reason I drafted him. This is also why I stink at this fantasy stuff. Stephan is a good player and I had no idea of his existence.

Round 5: Ryan McDonagh - UW - Two BADgers in a row. YEECH! I feel sick. He'll be good this year though, so I swallowed my pride and took him. On the plus side, he's not a pure breed cheesehead since he's from Arden Hills, MN. This is the round Darcy Zajac was taken in. Just saying.

Round 6: Jason Gregoire - UND - He told Denver to stuff it. That's worthy of his selection all by itself. He's also going to be on the first line for UND this year.

Round 7: Brett Hextall - UND - I'm too Hexy for this league. No justification needed.

Round 8: Jordan Baker - MTU - To quote Private Pyle "I am in a world of shit." That is Jordan Baker. A good player on a crap team. Hopefully he can score a bunch of goals because God knows he won't get many assists with the clowns that will be his linemates.

Round 9: Curtis Leinwebber - UAA - I looked him up. He was the best pick available I thought. I'm probably wrong though. I sort of remember this guy from last year, but not really

Round 10: Mike Cichy - UND - This will either be a great pick or a crap pick. Who knows.

Round 11: Jon Olthius - UAA - I'd like to thank RWD for taking Austin Lee here. I was going to pick him! I'd have had the Lee's for my goalies. Boo to you Ms. PBHjT!!!! Instead I got Olthuis. He better be a better pick than Aaron Dell would've been or I'll be hella pissed

Round 12: Ben Hanowski - SCSU - Another either great or crappy pick. Might be tough for Ben when he has to play against opponents who know how to skate.

Round 13: Nate Prosser - CC - Who the heck is this guy? No idea. He had 10 points last year though.

Round 14: David Toews - UND - I'm taking way too many Sioux players here. I think Toews will have a much better season than he did last year though. At least 20 points.

Round 15: Nick Rioux - SCSU - Drafted cause his name rhymes with Sioux! No other reason

Round 16: Mario Lamoureux - UND - What? Another freaking UND player? Are you an idiot? Yes, I think I am. This was my last pick of the draft though and I expect Mario to have points similair to what Not Travis Zajac will and I got him 11 rounds later.

I don't think this team is very good, mainly because half the team is Sioux players and that means trouble when UND can't score. We'll see though.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Freshman Taunting: Junior Year

I totally slacked off at the end of last year by not posting after the Colorado College series. Then I continued to slack off by not posting all summer. This is becoming a pattern with me. At least last year I had an excuse with no Sioux players being arrested or anything. This year there was comedy gold when Matt Frattin and Joe "Unibrow" Finley were arrested for tossing a lawn mower in the street. That is absolute greatness right there. Most college students are arrested for underaged drinking or having a loud party. This wasn't good enough for Matt or Joe though. No, they take pride in their arrest records and insisted they be tossed in the slammer for something unique. And what is more unique than tossing a lawn mower in the street? I say nothing. Or at least nothing that doesn't involve all those weird things Wisconsinites do. Another plus side to the Two F's saga is that Finley listened to me. Last year I had hoped he'd fight a polar bear or do something cool. He did it this year. To that I say thank you, Joe. I'm proud of you.

Another tradition I've done is taunting the freshman and their lame pictures. Sadly this year seems to have a rather weak crop, with a few exceptions there is nothing very exciting about them. I won't let that deter me from my mission though. So onward I go. Especially since it seems like half the team is freshman.

This year the team seemed to take a step back from the awesome suits and just wore polo shirts. They all wore the same shirt though. Well they probably didn't all wear the same exact shirt, but they wore matching shirts. That's lame. I want to see some variety and flair. Like in Office Space.

Brett Bruneteau I really have nothing to say about Brett. Nice number choice, I guess. Hopefully he's as awesome as fellow Brett, Hexy. I think I'm going to nickname Bruneteau "Banana". No reason.

Michael Cichy Mikey, as he likes to be called, looks like a guy I went to UND with. I called him Jebediah because he had one of those Amish chin beards. This is an ironic name given I think he hates Jesus.

Aaron Dell If ever there was a guy made to star on the show Whitest Kids I Know, it's this guy. Does he wear sunscreen 24-7? It looks like he'd get burned from the two watt bulb in a refrigerator. I guess since he's always on the lookout for the sun to make sure his skin doesn't melt, he doesn't have time to invest in a comb. Unfortunate.

Joe Gleason Undecided on major? Let me help you out Joe. You're going to major in accounting. You are an accountant. Don't fight this. Accept this. Move out of Walsh Hall and move into Gamble Hall. It is your calling. It is your destiny.

Ryan Hill I thought there was nothing to say about Bruneteau, ummmmm.....I'll be back when I think of something to say about him because right now I have nothing.

Corban Knight Corban seemed like a strange name to me so I looked it up. Who said you didn't learn anything by coming to this blog?

Danny Kristo He does have the Conan O'Brien hair going for him though and that's a definite plus. Maybe he can take over for Brad Miller. All we need is an Andy Richter type chap and awesomeness will ensue. Since he's second cousin to Ben Blood, I nominate Ben Blood.

Andrew MacWilliam If hockey doesn't work out for him, I think he could become muscle in the Scottish Mob. Does Scotland even have a mob? If so is it like the mob from Snatch? Would MacWilliam meet people who talk like Brad Pitt? Should I conduct the rest of this blog entry typing like a Piker talks? An interesting idea, but Goon already does that and I don't want to steal his thunder.

Tate Maris Sure he's the third string goalie, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't believe taking his picture will steal his soul. Use a Polaroid if you're too cheap to use a real camera. Draw a picture. Do something. Don't let the kid go through life with no picture. That's just cruel. As pointed out by Geist, wise decision on Tate's part to get away from Denver. No one likes Denver. Except Geist given he lives there. How confusing.

Carter Rowney Heeheee. Sexsmith! Heehee!!! Those are nearly Mike Singletary eyes. Carter could bore through a diamond with those.

Ryan Hill I told you I'd come back to him. I still have nothing to say about him though. He's like the rice cake of hockey players.

Sunday, February 22, 2009


Is it time for Slick Rick to go back to writing novels? I say yes. Only when compared to the horribleness of Alex Kangas is Dirty Dick even a decent goalie any more. Richie Rich will supposedly be considering signing with the Dallas Stars after the season. This would likely be the Stars biggest mistake since drafting Brian Lawton as Bachy Wachy has stunk since Christmas. Richardo Bachalban has clearly shown that he can't handle expectations, so I'm not sure why any team would want to sign him. Ricky Bobby would fold under the pressure of even having to play in the ECHL, which is where he would be next year. Saying this, I would still be very sad to see Tricky Dick leave the Weed Capital of the U.S. as the Sioux have done pretty well against Richy.

I'd also like to pat myself on the back and give myself a gold star for picking the Lynx to finish in 6th place in the WCHA. This is just more proof that I am quite the smart person. Everyone thought the Jaguars were going to run away with the conference and only I had the foresight to know the Bobcats would do no such thing. Now the Snow Leopards won't even make the NCAA's. What an absolute failure of a season. This is not a surprise to me as I knew it would happen because when your coach has to spend half his time filming "Adult Movies", it's going to catch up with you sooner or later. Given the Kodkods had no leadership from their star player nor a coach, this was inevitable. The Cheetahs are an average team this year and I am proud to say that I was one of the few who realized this.

Monday, February 16, 2009


The only thing currently worth snot in Anchorage, Alaska is Jean- Phillipe Lamoureux and Erik Fabian. I'm pretty sure JPL is the only reason the Aces are even in contention in the ECHL. If you check out the Aces website you'll see an example of how worthless the state of Alaska is.

Let's just look at this pathetic website for a moment.
  • The Aces don't bother to put up pictures from the last two years
  • Have a video link and radio link with no videos or radio highlight
  • Wallpaper link, no wallpaper
  • Screensaver, no screensaver
  • E-Card
I'm sensing a trend here.....

The Aces also don't bother to have statistics for this year on their website and they have the standings link go to last year's statistics. That's just bad linking right there. It really isn't that tough to have links go to the proper places. It's really basic HTML stuff and is rather pathetic that the Aces don't take the time to do anything properly. One final thing that is wrong with the horrible website is that they have a blog that hasn't been updated since last April. I guess this isn't really anything wrong as much as it is total laziness. That's even more pathetic than that Who's Whining Now toolbox. He's completely worthless and even he has done an update this year. To be even lazier than WWN is not something to be proud of. In fact it's downright embarrassing.

The Aces should be forced to fold just like the Fresno Falcons and Augusta Lynx did earlier this year as they are an embarrassment. This would be a good thing for all their players as they'd get to actually go to civilization and play for a team, instead of being two clicks from the Artic Circle.

While all these things are true, at least the Aces actually get people to come to their games which is more than can be said for the UAA Seapups. According to this, the Seapups get over 2900 people at their games. I don't know who is counting people or how they are counting, but I declare baloney on this. I'm not even sure if the person in charge actually knows how to count. When you watch UAA games the arena appears more barren than the Gobi Desert. Given this there is no way there are 2900+ people at the games. I'm not even sure if there would be 290 people at these games. Once again The Count is obviously needed.

And before it's said by one of UAA's six fans, having Red Pepper automatically makes Grand Forks a part of civilization.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Landcow Time

I am still bitter about this Landcows thing. I started calling Mankato State/Minnesota State/Minnesota State-Mankato/ Mankato Normal School/Whatever the heck they are this week, the Landcows in like 2002. It being a totally sweet name to taunt Mankato, it caught on and oodles of people started using this term. This is good. Heck, this is great and awesome even. But no one ever credits or cites me. This is a bunch of crap. I deserve recognition. This is just one of the many brilliant things I have contributed to the world, yet I never receive the proper credit. In fact I receive nothing. Not even a pat on the back. This totally ticks me off and is completely unfair. It's not really a surprise though. Someone of my profound talent oftentimes has his ideas stolen and is seldom given the credit he so rightly deserves during his lifetime. I take solace in the fact that I am certain that in 100 years people will look back on everything that I did and give me the credit I deserve.

If there is anyone or anything that doesn't deserve credit, it's the Mankato fans and their incredibly lame use of the Ole cheer. No matter how many times people point it out, Landcow fans just can't seem to get it through their incredibly thick skull that this cheer is something a bunch of drunken Scottish soccer hooligans do. Why Mankato fans continue to use this stupid cheer is beyond dumbfounding. The continued use of this cheer is as lame as all those morons who do The Wave at a 1-1 game with three minutes left. The difference is that Mankato fans do their lame little cheer every single game. Why? Are they really that stupid and unoriginal?

I say yes, yes they are. Mankato fans are among the dumbest I've ever encountered. When I was there earlier this year, they were angry that a penalty was called on Kael Mouillierat for cross-checking Brad Eidsness. Unless I missed a memo or something, checking the opposing goalie is pretty much a guaranteed penalty. This is but one example about the knuckleheads who frequent the Alltel Center or whatever it's called now. That's another reason the Landcows are so lame. Not only do they switch their school's name every other day, but their arena's name changes all the time too. It's idiotic. Then there is the use of the color purple and their incredibly ugly jerseys. It goes on and on and on. Mankato is just filled with complete buffoons.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Why Sioux Fans Suck

Since UND has a bye this week, I can't really talk about their opponent, so instead I'm going to talk about Sioux fans and why so many of them are such idiots. These are just a few of the reasons why so many of them piss me off. I know there are many more that I'm just not thinking of right now.

Bandwagon Jumping: UND starts the season off poorly or just doesn't win every game they play. People start hyperventilating and demand Hakstol be fired. Then UND starts kicking ass and all those people act like they knew it would happen all along. They are a bunch of douche bags. I hate these people. They should all move to Whitehorse, Yukon Territory and freeze to death because they suck. Seriously, screw these people. They act like total retards and complain about every single thing.

Irrational Expectations Not Met: They expect the team to win the national championship every year. There is nothing wrong with this, but when the Sioux don't do it, these idiots go back to thinking that UND is the worst team ever. Fucking idiots. You are a bunch of spoiled pricks. You somehow think that a bunch of college kids "owe" you a national championship. Well this isn't true, they don't owe you much of anything so STFU. As long as they aren't stabbing old ladies with rusty nails or throwing paraplegic children into wells, just be happy and shut up.

Reactions to Opponents Antics. They constantly rationalize what the Sioux do but other when teams do the same thing or something similar, they froth at the mouth and throw hissy fits. This is a lot like what my dad did like 10 years ago. He saw a guy cutting across a parking lot and said something like "Look at that stupid moron. Why do people do that. They are such idiots." I said "You do that all the time though." and he responded "Yeah, but when I do it, it's OK." Except my dad was half kidding. My dad isn't a total moron like a majority of Sioux fans. He realized I brought up a valid point. Sioux fans it seems can not do this. When a Gopher or Pioneer or Badger or any other player does something, it's a horrible abomination. When a Sioux player does it, he's either a hero or there is some reason why he had to do it. Occasionally this is true, but usually it's just a bunch of bullshit. The Sioux aren't perfect, stop acting like they are you dipshits.

Ref Conspiracies: Earth to Sioux fans, the refs don't give a crap about UND. They don't hate UND. They have better things to do. Stop bitching and whining. Not everything is a grand conspiracy against the Sioux. Shut the hell up and learn hockey before you start whining like a four year old having a time out. This isn't freaking Roswell or the X-Files, morons. It's a hockey game. I know you're from North Dakota, but stop smoking meth and coming up with all this stupid shit.

Caring What Others Think: Contrary to your beliefs, Jess Myers is allowed to have an opinion even if that opinion doesn't blow sunshine up UND's ass. Sure Mike Chambers is a freaking retard, but who cares? Laugh at what a talentless dickweasel he is. So quit bitching about every damn thing. It's not that big of a deal. A guy is allowed to say the Sioux suck without you getting your panties in a twist over it. Just calm down and shut up.

Hating Brian Lee: Never has there been more hatred then what was exhibited for Brian Lee. And it made no sense at all. Just because he wasn't like Mike Commodore or Matt Greene Sioux fans hated him. It was Goddamn ridiculous. He did absolutely nothing wrong and was a pretty good defenseman. No matter what he did though all these fucking mouthbreathing, cocksucking, talentless, braindead, imbred, shitbreathed, crosseyed dickhead retards could do was complain. He was supposedly the worst defenseman UND had ever had. Somehow, someway though Brian Lee managed to play in the NHL the year after he left UND. This just proves how moronic many Sioux fans truly are. They do not understand hockey and just decide to hate on a player every year. Absolutely idiotic.

One Specific Sioux Fan: I doubt his I.Q. even hits the decade he is stuck in. For some reason he thinks spearing opposing players is OK because it's part of the game while dropping your gloves is worthy of being excommunicated from hockey. How can you be that stupid? Oh wait, this is the same guy who thinks a senior should always play over a freshman until the freshman proves himself. That is unless the freshman is Jonathon Toews or Zach Parise or some other very talented player. This makes no sense at all, but that's just par for the course. Having a permed mullet, wearing leopard print pants and still being a Def Leppard groupie makes you a total loser. Get this through your skull, you fucking nimrod. You suck at life and seriously need to become a hermit as it would make the world a better place. Hell, become the next Unabomber, except totally fuck it up and accidentally blow yourself up.

More SCSU Fun

We've all seen the zany posts of the preppy startthebus on USCHO. Many people hate him and if you look at the picture you can see why. He looks pretty fruity holding that broom. Not only that but he's wearing a collared shirt at a hockey game. If that doesn't say frat boy wannabe preppy douchebag, I don't know what does.

I being the intrepid and caring journalist that I am though, I put these things aside, ventured to the Dogg Pound and interviewed him. Note: Once again parts of this interview may or not have actually occurred and I may have taken some liberties with what was actually said.
Before I start the interview, I just have to say that startthebus told me my blog was hillarious. This is obviously a given. He said he and Andrew, the other guy in the picture, spent 40 minutes looking for it though. The fact that it is linked in my sig and it took them working in tandem for 40 minutes says all that needs to said about an SCSU education.

Dirty: So startthebus I see that you have your name in electrical tape on the back of your shirt. Is this why I think it is?
STB: Umm, I'm not sure. Your question confuses me.
Dirty: So the guy knows what to call you when he's......
STB: HAHAHAHA, oh yeah. That is an added benefit. But I mainly wear it because I'm too cheap to make an iron on transfer.
Dirty: Wow, that's pretty pathetic. I mean those things are pretty cheap.
STB: Yeah, I know but I spend all my money so I can buy bling for my ear piercings.
Dirty: Isn't the left ear the gay ear?
STB: Well I have both ears pierced.
Dirty: Oh, so you're bisexual.
STB: ........................ (Obviously not understanding what I said)
Dirty: OK moving on, why did you come to SCSU?
STB: Well I'm from St. Francis, MN!
Dirty: Ummm, ok. That doesn't really explain anything.
STB: OK, a little more background. St. Francis has a really crappy hockey team and I figured, what the hell I should continue the tradition and go to a college that has a really crappy hockey team.
Dirty: Makes sense.
STB: It does. I'm so smart!
Dirty: I wouldn't go that far. So being from St. Francis, do you know recent Husky commit, Joey Benik?
STB: I do! Actually, I'm friends with his brother Charlie. He plays hockey for Finladia.
Dirty: Well aren't you lucky?
STB: I am! In fact when we were in high school, Charlie and I formed a male escort service called Sugar and Spice. I was Sugar. We catered to all St. Francisites and I do mean all.
Dirty: Ewwwwww.
STB: Don't knock it till you try it, man!
Dirty: Ummm, no. Ewwwwww.
STB: Both Charlie and I are hoping Joey follows in our footsteps. Having a DI player in our stable would really help our profit margains.
Dirty: This is getting a little too weird, even for me, therefore I'm going to change the subject now. I see that Joey has 85 points in 20 games and has 9 hat tricks. Does St. Francis play anyone?
STB: Pretty much no.
Dirty: Meadow Creek Christian? That's an actual school and they have a hockey team?
STB: I guess so.
Dirty: This is utterly pathetic. The only decent teams they play are Totino-Grace and Benilde. No wonder Joey scores so many points.

At this point in the interview, I noticed everyone's favorite person and the interview abruptly ended. When you taunt me, karma will get you. That's exactly what happened last night. I once again sat by Mrs. Grumpy, though a few rows farther back this time. She didn't notice me for most of the game, but then in the third period she saw me and decided it was once again time to taunt me. Well I had had enough of her taunting and decided to say something this time. She asked me what I did with the pictures I took. If I wallpapered my wall with them.

For two minutes I rationally explained to her why this made little economic sense in a very sarcastic tone and asked her how she became so brilliant. I don't think she knew what she was unleashing and I don't think she really appreciated me going off on her. But that's ok as it is safe to say that I had the everyone around me on my side after my response and she didn't say another word to me the entire game. Don't mess with me, Mrs. Grumpy, you will lose. Lesson learned.

I was then visited by a security guard who probably thought I was about to murder someone. But then he realized who I was and immediately changed his tune and was on my side. Once again Mrs. Grumpy, know your role. I rule.

Saturday, January 31, 2009


Rumor has it that SCSU often has what can be called chubby cheerleaders. This idea was confirmed when out onto the ice lumbered Captain "Jumbo". I don't remember what her name was even though, it was said like 30 times. I don't really care what her name is though. While talking to everyone's favorite fag, startthebus, I learned that not only was Jumbo the cheerleading captain, but that she was also from Fargo. Could anything be more perfect? Obviously, I needed to take pictures of "Jumbo" and make fun of her cause I'm a mean person.

Well my talking about "Jumbo" made this lady very unhappy. She did not approve of my actions at all. She told me "If you want to take a picture of something funny looking, you should take a picture in the mirror". I was quite impressed by this insult. Sure it was completely unoriginal, but she managed to put down her hohos and twinkies long enough to tell me this.

Check out that horrible perm and Joe Mauer-level sideburns. Impressive. This woman of course barely understood what the hell was going on on the ice. My favorite moment of hers was when the Huskies took a penalty and she stood up clapping, thinking the penalty was on the Sioux. I made a comment about this to Schneider. At the same time Schneider stood up and clapped making fun of Ms. (Mr.?) Grumpy. Well this was met with great dissapproval from this "woman's" husband. He just stared at me for a good five seconds. Hubby Man was the silent type most of the game. That is until UND breathed or did anything and he'd whine about how it should be a penalty. Actually, he barely did this, his only concern seemed to be that when UND iced the puck that all the players not be allowed to change lines. For most people this would be a minor concern, but to Mr. Hubby it seemed to be the only thing that mattered in the game.

Since Ms. Grumpy thought I should take a picture of myself so everyone could laugh, I did. Notice the goofy face I made! HAHAHAHA! I look so funny! OMG!!!! I don't weigh three metric tons or look like a horse kicked me in the face, so obviously I look way funnier than "Jumbo" of Ms. Grumpy.

After the game Mrs. Grumpy decided she needed to taunt me a little more and tell me the score of the game was 3-0. Another original taunt on her part. For being such an ugly skank, she sure was funny! I love this "lady". She's one of those wonderful people who don't think opposing fans should be allowed in the arena because her life is that pathetic. There is nothing cooler than taunting some opposing fans despite the fact that you barely understand what is going on. From the looks of her though, I don't blame her. She either works as a secretary at a dentists' office or just sits at home all day watching As the World Turns and eatings bon bons. But hey, she gave me an entry to write about, so I have to thank her for that.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Tale of the Dasher Monkey Signing

As many may remember, everyone's favorite college hockey coach also happens to be an accomplished author. Given that Grand Forks was lucky enough to have a world renown author visiting town, I really felt that I should take advantage of it. Sadly, it cost me $17.04 because I'm lazy and kept forgetting to buy a cheap used version off EBay or Amazon and had to buy new copy from Barnes and Noble. The cost of this operation just gave me all the more motivation though. I needed to talk to Curious George about this wonderful book.

Problems were abound from the start though. I went to the Denver bench to have a nice conversation with the players. Where was Gwoz? Would he come out? Could I get my book signed? The players were non-responsive though. Perhaps I used to big of words. Perhaps they didn't like me. Perhaps they are just jerks. I don't know. But they refused to help me. I was sad. Given that these dickheads refused to help me, I decided to bid them adieu and get the book signed without their help.

I didn't need their help anyways. I figured at some point The Dasher Monkey was going to come out during warmups. I was right. Towards the end of warmups, I spotted Georgey Porgey in the tunnel and made my move. I had to bide my time and wait as Georgey was being interviewed and I did not want to interupt him. Because I'm a nice guy like that. Finally the interview ended and it was time for me to spring into action. I get Lord Farquaad's attention and BAM! Success. My very own signed copy of Hockey Drills for Passing and Recieving! KICK ASS!

To commemorate this happening, I asked Schneider to take pictures. I mean wouldn't it be great to have pictures taken of Georgey signing the book? Of course it would. He failed at his one job though. As I handed the Dasher Monkey the book, Schneider realized he was completely out of position to take the picture. In other words, he was the Geoff Kinrade of photographers. I blame it on him only having one eye. There's really no other explanation for this epic fail. This is a lesson, never have morons assist you in your plans. They will only disappoint and fail you because they suck at life.

If anyone would like to post a book review here, I would welcome it.

BTW, patience is a virtue, bitches. Sometimes you have to wait for the greatness that is this blog and it's entries.