Monday, November 30, 2009

Idiotic Maine Fans

For some reason this weekend, perhaps due to sheer boredom, I went to the UND-Maine women's hockey games. As per usual, I was singled out and harassed by security personnel. As per unusual, I did nothing to warrant such abuse. This was OK though and I took it all in stride, partially because of the entertainment Black Bear fans brought me.

Let's start out with Friday's game. I am waiting outside the arena for everyone's favorite one eyed sidekick, Schneider to show up. He was totally late and I suggest he try synchronizing his watch his next time, but that is neither here nor there. While impatiently waiting, a group of Maine fans walked by me. The first thing I noticed was the idiotic jerseys they were wearing and the utterly atrocious customization job that was done on them. I laughed at them in my mind. Finally One Eye shows up and after some shenanigans regarding how to obtain tickets, we go into the game. UND blows for the first period and it's boring. I question why I decided to come to this game. For the second period, Schneider and I go sit down, coincidentally relatively close to the Maine fans.

They are really into the game, which is more than I can say for pretty much anyone else there. It's a close game and I'm pretty bored. Finally in the third period excitement occurs. A Maine player goes on a breakaway. She doesn't score and then runs over the UND goalie. A penalty is called. This angers the Maine fans. They start chanting bad words. Schneider and I make fun of them. About a minute later, a face-off occurs in Maine's zone. I run up to the glass and yell "Hey! I check the goalie! It's legal now!". Maine fans are not amused. Schneider and I are though and that's all that matters. UND ends up "winning" the game in a shoot out. Why they are having a shootout for a non-conference game I don't know, but this is what happens.

Schneider and I agree that we need to come back on Saturday just to laugh at the idiot Maine fans and so we do. We arrive before them and as they are coming over to sit down I notice the guy who I assume to be their fearless leader is wearing sunglasses. Wearing sunglasses indoors is so lame. But there was something special about this guys sunglasses. They only had one lens in them. That's right, the right eye had no lens. What in the world? I took pictures of this goober with my camera phone, but they suck. Schneider and I laughed at this. How lame can you be? Why would you only have one lens in your sunglasses? Puzzling. A few minutes later, I noticed another guy in their group also had sunglasses. And he too only had one lens in the sunglasses. Maine fans are really strange.

Around this time was when I was harassed by security. Maine fans brought in air horns and started using them. This is evidently a big no-no. I was falsely accused and probably nearly kicked out because I wouldn't give up my air horn. It was entertaining though being yelled at for once when I had done nothing wrong.

This game also went to shoot out with Maine "winning". The highlight of this shootout was when the snooty nosed Maine fan yelled "Insufficient Funds!" at us when a UND player shot the puck off the pipe. Made no sense then and makes no sense now. It was entertaining though.

BTW, I'm taking back my take back when I said the Lamoureux Twins couldn't beat up PJ. We sat by them this weekend and they would totally own PJ.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Turkey Tournament

Hooray! We won two games in a row!!! What you see on the left is the high point of the the Bemidji State program. Beating two teams that I don't remember and really don't care to remember either. Matt Dalton's life is all downhill from that exact moment that you see. Soon his life will consist of nothing more than eating Fruity Pebbles, smoking kitty litter and vacuuming out people's cars at the local car wash.

Bemidji is getting a new arena next year. All 12 of the Beavers fans and 1700 of their bandwagon fans are excited about this and think it makes them a big deal. It does not. By some miracle of God, Bemidji State is also getting into the WCHA next year. Well aren't they lucky ducks? Yes. They still don't matter though and will be a bottom dwelling crapsack of a team soon enough. Speaking of enough, I've talked about these losers more than enough. Let's talk about the team that dashed the Beavers dreams last year.

The Miami Hurricanes. These guys really came out of nowhere. I've seen highlights of them on ESPN showing up at the '87 Fiesta Bowl in military fatigues and heard of their crack smoking with 2 Live Crew and Luke Campbell, but that was 20 years ago. Heck, I didn't even know they had a hockey team until a couple years ago. Rico "Mini Gwoz" Blasi is their coach and he's supposedly pretty good at this. I disagree. I'm not going to go into why I disagree because this is neither the time nor the place, let's just say I've heard things involving chickens and the shaving of sheep. Disturbing to say the least.

And what is with their mascot promoting smoking? That's irresponsible. Miami wants children to smoke and get cancer. If that isn't reason to dislike these clowns, I don't know what is. I find it completely unacceptable and downright sickening.

Almost as sickening as I find Ohio State or THE Ohio State as they like to call themselves. What a joke. The caption is absolutely correct, only complete losers find the need to put "The" in front of their school's name in a lame attempt to fake importance. I could talk about the beads around the old man's neck and how he probably put them in "special places" of his two sons, but I've decided to make this into a more family friendly site this year, so you will have to come up with your own theories on the use of the necklace. That old man really needs to get some perspective in his life, BTW. It's a game, stop crying like your wife just died in your arms after being mauled by a grizzly bear. Even better, turn in your man card. Are you really crying over a game? Ohio is such a worthless state. Yuck.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Why Tech Fans Suck

Does anyone really like Michigan Tech or their fans? Or is it just sympathy for what a talentless team the Huskies have and therefore people feel obligated to be nice to this collection of uber nerds?

While there are a number of reasons why Tech fans suck, number one on that list, and the one I shall focus on, is their constant use of stupid little gimmicks. And number one on this list of stupid gimmicks is their constant use of embedded audio. If you do this correctly, it isn't annoying at all and can be funny. Tech fans are too stupid or annoying to figure this out though. When they embed things, they insist on auto-playing and hiding it. This makes it so you cannot stop the music from playing. As if this isn't annoying enough, about five of these rejects do this and they all post different audio.

Dear borderline retarded Michigan Technological University Fans,

I thought I made it clear in the above paragraphs, but obviously you are all too stupid to understand. The only people who are being made fun of in this blog entry are those people who embedded audio links in various threads on the United States College Hockey Online Message Board. If you're just a general Tech idiot, of which there are many, you will not be mentioned. ONLY if you have played a part in ruining USCHO for others by constantly embedding audio in threads will you be mentioned.

Understand? Good.

Let's take a look at the primary Tech Tools and what makes them such despicable human beings:

First offender: Yager. Just look at this geek. What an absolute dingbat. He's currently the President of Mitch's Misfits or something. Not like anyone cares. Heck I'm sure most people don't even know what this is, but for those that do, at least know we know why this group of dinks has completely gone downhill. Would you want this four-eyed loser leading you? I know I wouldn't. I don't think there is a single redeeming quality about this jerk. He is pretty much the pimple on the arse of the boil that is Houghton, MI. I guess if you force me to say one nice thing about this putz I'd go with the fact that his mom looks like a total cougar. Because of this, I'll ask the one question everyone wants to know. Yager, is your mom a cougar?

Losers Number Two and Three: Twitchboy (left) and BeerPongHorn (right). The flicking off of the camera just illustrates their total uselessness. Both of these gumbas are graduates of Michigan Tech. That means that they should've gotten over the urge to flick the camera off at least two years ago. They obviously didn't though. You can't quite make it all out, but look at the headwear these two are wearing. A hot dog. A HOT DOG. Seriously? It nearly makes me puke every time I see it. Then BPH is wearing a whatever the heck it is. Actually, this particular headwear isn't that bad. It's more that he's like a History major graduate or something. Whatever he is, it's a completely worthless major.

The Forth and final Super Dork: Flashy Man. He's the doofus on the right. Yes, he's the one who's doing a thumbs up for another guy successfully pinning a flower to his suit coat. That just screams loser. I don't know who this other dork is, but if I did, I can guarantee you that I'd include him in this listing. Back to Flashy Man, I am unsure of what this name refers to. To me it sounds like he enjoys going to elementary school playgrounds and hitting on small children. I certainly hope this isn't true, but when you combine the words man and flash, it is what immediately comes to mind. So please Flashy Man, clear this up for us. Are you a child predator? Thus far the Family Feud Survey Says: Yes. Prove the survey wrong or live with the consequences.

Speaking of child predators, here we have two. Boosh, the dork in the sweater vest, is not a part of the above complete losers. He is however a student at Michigan Tech and did consciously decide to dress up like Mitch "I like little girls" Lake for Halloween. This is just downright disturbing. I have no idea why you would want to emulate this weirdo. Or I had no idea, until Boosh told me the following:

And I was actually at a party dancing with a 17 year old the night before.

Ewww! Rumor has it that Boosh was in fact dancing with TubaBabe/crazytechfan. Is it true? Is it false? Who knows, but the one thing we do know is that Boosh is just a bad person. I thought Boosh was relatively normal. In fact I know Boosh used to be relatively normal. That has changed now though and I find it sad. Boosh was a fine upstanding citizen of the world and now he's just a sick freak. If this doesn't prove that Friends Don't Let Friends Attend Michigan Tech, nothing does.

UPDATE: It seems we have an update on who Boosh was creeping on. I am now being told by a source who calls him/herself IHeartMileyCyrus that it was not crazytechfan. It was a young lady called "Annie". I have not confirmed this, so IHeartMileyCyrus may have lied to me.