Sunday, February 28, 2010

Eli Unpronounceable

Let's just start off with this. Yes, that is a real name. No, I will not tell you how to pronounce it. Learning how to pronounce Eli's name is like being allowed in a Secret Club. Until you prove you deserve the honor of properly pronouncing the name, you will forever be in the dark. Onto the blog.

So it's come to this. Michigan Tech fans are no longer even trying to support their team. Instead they have thrown their support behind talentless defenseman, Eli Vlaisavljevich. Not for his athletic accomplishments (duh) but instead for his academic accomplishments. He's been given the Tech Award for Super Awesome Fun Guy Genius or something, so he was nominated for this stupid award where I believe he can win a year supply of 2x4's, a box of wood glue and an assortment of bathroom fixtures.

Tech fans were absolutely giddy at the prospect of actually winning something, even if it was just a worthless award that came with a 25 lb. bag of potting soil. True to Michigan Tech tradition though, Tech fans are failing at this support. Eli is getting his butt kicked by Colin Greening. Maybe Tech fans really don't care that much about this award after all. It was just a few short years ago when they were stuffing the Hobey ballot for some random goalie. Cam Ellsworth I think his name was. Ultimately it doesn't matter really what his name was as he sucked, but at least Tech fans showed real support for their talentless players instead of just faking the support like they do now.

Finally, what is the deal with this? Are they really that lazy and unwilling to update their crappy site? Don't they want to recruit new members or let everyone know where their next little "competition" is? How will we get recent pictures of them prancing around the field covered in paint specks? I demand the Michigan Tech Paintball Club updates their website.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Husky Plans

ST. CLOUD, MN (AP) -- Will it happen? That is the question that is on the lips of many St. Cloud residents this year. Will the local college hockey team, the St. Cloud State University Huskies, finally get over the hump and win a playoff game this year? Many a teams have tried and many a teams have failed. From Mark Parrish to his brother Geno "Clown Hair" Parrish to Tyler "Chubbs" Arnason to current players such as Garret Roe and Ryan Lasch, they've about as successful as Crystal Clear Pepsi. Residents are upbeat this year though as the Huskies are 10-1-1 in their last 12 games and believe that the Curse of the Llama may finally be lifted in a few months. Parties at The Red Carpet and McRudy's are already in the works for this momentous occasion, there is a rumor that a ticker tape parade down University Avenue is being planned and local seamstresses are bidding for the right to make a banner.

Husky fan Zack L. said "This is the year, I can feel it. And mark my words, the Schlitz will be flowing when the clock hits zero. Beating Clarkson will be the greatest moment of my life."

Other Husky fans aren't quite as confident though. "It's been the same [censored], different year for twenty years now. Why would this year be any different?" said a SCSU fan who did not wish to be identified, "I won't believe it until I see it. I hope they prove me wrong, but I doubt it."

Whatever happens, opposing fans are having a field day with the developments and rumors. St. Cloud State has frequently been the butt of jokes and it appears that Huskies fans exuberance and pre-planning will not help in this regard. Fans from Colorado Springs to Houghton, MI are laughing hysterically at the giddiness emanating from St. Cloud. "Seriously? Seriously? All this exsitemint over the beleaf that they'll actualy win won game? Its pathetic." said Eric B, "Call me when you win one, much less SEVEN championships."

Whatever the results at the end of the season, one thing is for sure, St. Cloud fans have something to look forward to.