Sunday, March 7, 2010

The Official Final Five Band

The WCHA, concerned that Aaron Marvin may elbow a piccolo player in the head, has decided not to bring the Michigan Tech Band to the Final Five this year. Instead sources close to WCHA commissioner Bruce McLeod say that he is considering bringing in the Minnesota Gopher Band.

An unnamed source who has knowledge of the situation said, "It's been common knowledge since January that the Gopher hockey team really has no prayer of making the Final Five. This was bad news for our Final Five attendance numbers and we were in need of a contingency plan given 98% of Gopher fans are bandwagon fans. The Gopher Band is our contingency plan."

This is just a great idea if you ask me and there are so many ways to sucker in the bandwagon Gopher fans. This just may be the best decision Bruce McLeod has ever made. Sure that isn't saying much, but let's give credit to him on the rare occasions that he warrants it.

The Final Five would not be the same without Gopher fans. Drunk Bandwagon Gopher fans to be specific. If you need proof of the problems the WCHA could run into of a Final Five without Minnesota, you just need to look at the Gopher-Badger game played today. Gopher fans barely showed up today because the game was "meaningless". Given that a majority of Minnesota fans won't even bother to show up to a game with their biggest rival, they obviously won't show up to a Final Five when Minnesota isn't there. This is why I think McLeod's idea is brilliant. By having the Gopher band at the game, McLeod might trick just enough Gopher fans into showing up. One suggestion I have is to have the Gopher Band play the Rouser outside the X before a game and watch all the Gopher zombies be drawn in like moths to a flame.

Another idea would be to have the band play after UMD scores. Since a majority of Gopher fans wouldn't know a hockey puck if it hit them in the face, they will just assume that the maroon team out on the ice is Minnesota and will therefore do their spelling cheer.