Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Freshman: The Computer Repair Edition

It's really about time UND updated the roster pictures. I was expecting to be able to do this a few weeks ago but evidently the UND athletic department was too busy changing their nickname and showing no balls to update the pictures. Unfortunate. This year's freshman are rather boring and judging by their apparel, without money to purchase quality clothing. Combined they look to have the personality of a thumb tack. Also unfortunate. What happened to having players with personalities like Hexy and Ben Blood? Instead the team is going in the opposite direction and are taking after their coach. This makes me sad and does not bode well for Brad Miller Time. After Hexy and Mario are gone, who will host? Ryan Hill and Tate Maris? Well, it would give them something to do.

Derek Forbort - Appears he beat up a Geek Squad employee and stole his uniform. While he does have quality Joe Mauer-esque sideburns, he should demand the UND web monkeys spell check his bio.
Is it really that difficult to spell things properly? The answer is yes. Because the UND web monkeys are the same gomers who have been selling a picture of "The Barn" for two years. The only problem with this is that the link to purchase it does not work. It's been like this for two years. Just fix it already.

Derek Rodwell - Eyebrows are flatter than Grand Forks. If only he had a Jordan Foote unibrow, he could be Bert from Sesame Street. Also beat up Geek Squad employee. If hockey career fizzles out, could be stunt double for Ryan Reynolds.

Dillon Simpson - Puts more time into styling and highlighting his hair than his mother. Geek Squad beater upper #3. The greatest defenseman since Bobby Orr. Why are his dad's Stanley Cups listed backwards? UND web monkeys screwing up once again. What a surprise. I'm sure they won't fix this either. Freaking worthless twits.

Brock Nelson - The next Bernie Madoff given his major. Greases down his hair like my cousin, Wayne. Even has the same goofy looking hairstyle. Geek Squad #4.

Apparently everyone on this team beats up Geek Squad employees and steals their $3 ties. Maybe it's part of freshman initiation or something? I'm not sure. I suppose it's better than stealing stop signs though.

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